This is the successful (-tasting, not -looking) version. It still needs a pinch of adventure somehow, but it tastes pretty great as is plus you'd never guess it was tofu.
400g tofu, frozen and defrosted
1 large onion, diced small
2 tbsp butter (i bet you could even make this brown butter for extra boom)
1 tsp, up to 2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg, to taste (important, this should be the top note of the end result, but juuuust barely identifiable)
1 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 tsp paprika powder
1 tsp ginger powder
a pinch ground coriander
1/4 cup ketjap manis, or more, to taste
3 tbsp ketchup
1 tsp freshly ground black pepper
salt to taste
1 egg, lightly beaten
8 sheets 5 x 5 puff pastry
Crumble tofu with your hands until there are no pieces bigger than, say, a kernel of corn.
Spread tofu on a single baking paper-covered baking pan (speak English much?) and roast in 150°C oven for 15-20 minutes, or until lightly browned and dry and spongy.
While that's happening, sauté onion in butter until browned, 15-20 minutes.
Combine spices in a bowl and then add roasted tofu and sauteed onion. Mix and squish with hands until thoroughly combined. Then yeah assemble into sausage rolls (?) and bake for 15-25 minutes or however long it takes.